In Print
edited by SA Clements with stories by Crystal Barela, Anah Crow, CB Potts, Stella Sandberg, Tracy Shellito, Elizabeth St. John, and Rakelle Valencia
Rakelle
Rakelle
Copyright ©2008 by Crystal Barela
This was not my usual Saturday evening entertainment. Staring at a half naked woman, but the noise muffled by the red tent’s canvas walls had been too intriguing for me to ignore.
It was not spoken of in my company, but I was old enough to know what went on in the red tent. Everyone knew. My father, should he find out I had taken this one little peek, would have beat me until I had little chance of performing. What was worse, he would have locked me in the trailer and the freedom I enjoyed as a trusted daughter of Roberto Fontinini, master trapeze artist for Spineli’s Famous Big Top Circus, would have ended. I was a grown woman of nineteen, certainly old enough to know about what went on behind the privacy of walls.
Our show that night had been brilliant. Every cut away a graceful turn, every catch appearing effortless. I was all at once exhausted and ecstatic from souring high above the crowd. I had wings. In fact, I was known as the angel of the big top. My costume was the color of innocence, cream with opal sequins raining over my bosom and down my arms like water. My cape was rich ivory velvet. The costume mistress had done an amazing job fashioning feathers and beads in the shape of dainty wings over my shoulders and back. My father had gone so far as to begin dyeing my hair a heavenly blonde at the age of six, when the golden luster had begun to fade to brown.
Exhilaration coursed through my veins as I passed the empty bleachers. The familiar path led me past the scent of wet straw and animal. The shouts of brutish men ordering obedience. The only reason I passed the red tent at all, was that it was set away from the others. Meant to be private, and my father insisted that as the prize act of the big top we must have our trailer away from the others as well. We were not beside the red tent; we were around a copse of trees past it. One hardly had to go more than a few minutes out of their way to walk close enough to hear the beguiling throaty laughter of Madam and the shake of Tiny’s tambourine.
On other occasions I had been tempted to linger on my passing by. When low moans and slapping skin had made my step falter. Once, only once mind you, I had pressed my ear to that canvas and heard…well, I had heard sex. The panting and groaning had made my body tingle. Then, I had run home. Under my sheets, in the semi-privacy of a curtain hung between my parents sleeping area and my thin mattress I had touched myself there. Between my legs.
Now, it just so happened, my step put me in line with the seam of canvas that had a tear. The opening was about four inches long and stretched two inches wide by the tension of the poles holding up the tent. Bits of frayed fabric shot to and fro. It was not my fault that the sewing mistress had fallen behind on her mending.
In that moment, that exact moment, Madam, was bent over backward at the waist, her long red hair dusting the ground. She stood at the center of the tent, on a round platform and she was not still, no. Her hips danced in a rhythm that had her voluptuous breasts roll back toward her neck. The large mounds swayed in such a way that my breath caught. There was no music but the beat of our hearts and I could hear the thump clearly.
What was I to do? Leave?
There was more than one man in the tent with her. A tall man in a hat, with a cigarette dangling from his lips was tapping his loafered foot in time with the shake of Tiny’s tambourine.
Tiny was Madam’s husband and not tiny at all. He was a towering black man, his thick body roped with muscle. Rumor had it; he got his nickname, from breaking those that disrespected his woman, into tiny little pieces. I’d believe it. With his head shaved clean of hair and the large golden ring through his nose he looked as though he could tear someone limb from limb. He looked strange manning the shaking bells.
There were two other men. One was short with a portly build and wore red suspenders. His hands were in his pockets when he rocked back on his heels. Touching himself. The other, his pal. I say this because of the way he would alternately clap and then slap Suspenders on the back, was hooting for more skin.
From the state of Madam’s dress I could tell she was near the end of her performance. Not because I had seen it before! No, because there wasn’t much more in the way of garments to remove.
Madam’s nails were long and painted gypsy red. She tickled them up from below her navel and in-between the valley of her breasts. Her eyes opened, green as a cat’s, and met mine through the crack in the canvas. One finger bent and seemed to beckon me. Curling in a gesture of invitation.
Heat sufficed my entire body and centered in that region that only, Joey, the lion tamer’s son, had been petting. Not that I had let him tame me yet. No more than a gentle nuzzle of his strong fingers had been allowed to tap my nethers. Father would have been most displeased if he found out about our kisses, even though everyone thought of Joey as my sweetheart.
The dancer rose slowly, uncurling her body, her abdomen flexing in the light of the lanterns. The scent of heated oil and sweat hovered in the air as her hips began to undulate. Like the curl of her finger, her hips encouraged me to remove my leotard. To join her in exhibition.
Madam wore a skirt made of colorful scarves and the circle of fabric hung well below her waist. So low in truth, I could see the curly reddish hair of her bush poking above the waistline. One of her slender arms was above her head, and the other held aloft, her fingers on the tail of one of the scarves. She began to pull them randomly, the gauzy bits of color fluttering around her and falling to the ground like a rainbow revealing a pot of gold. My breath gasped with each gesture until all that was left was the leather belt the fabric had been stuffed beneath. Her golden curly hairs were damp and glistening.
The men’s faces were flushed with desire as I knew mine must be.
It is not my fault that Madam began the slow caress of her breasts. With each tug of her nipples by her painted nails my feet grew more firmly into the ground. My breath was rushed. I found my hand mirrored hers, slipping beneath the fabric of my leotard to find my own small areoles.
Madam’s tongue wet her lips and then she leaned forward.
I’m telling you it was not my fault!
She cupped one of her large breasts and lifted the succulent flesh so she could place her tongue to her own hard nipple. Her bewitching eyes seemed to look straight at me as she flicked the turgid flesh with her tongue. Each wet swipe felt as though she were licking my own hard nubbins!
So focused was I on her tongue’s amusements and my response to them, that I did not notice that the two shorter men had left the tent, or that Tiny was now stuffing a bill into the leather purse slung on the belt around his waist. With a nod of his head to Madam, he left the red tent.
Tiny would remain in shouting distance. I must remain silent.
Madam and the man in the hat were alone.
The man removed his jacket and tossed it onto the faded Oriental carpet that padded the ground. Pillows were piled high in one corner. He unbuttoned his cuffs and rolled back his sleeves revealing muscled forearms while Madam took a provocative stance in front of the pillows.
“What do you like?” Madam asked the man and he told her to get on her knees.
I had not seen that before. I mean, I had never looked through the hole in the tent!
Madam took a pillow covered in orange fabric and trimmed with beads and placed it on the ground. From where I stood I could see the swing of her breasts as she took a position on the floor on her knees, her round rear high in the air.
The man had taken off his slacks and briefs. Now he stood in his trouser socks held up with sock suspenders, the white shirt and the hat. I would have giggled, but his manhood was hard and long, taking my breath away. How would that veined flesh feel? He was big. So much bigger than the lion tamer’s son.
Madam supported herself with one hand and reached beneath herself. She ran her fingers through her thatch of hair, in-between her moist thighs. I knew she must be wet in her center.
I was.
Just one finger, I told myself. I pulled my arms free of my costume’s delicate sleeves and pushed my shoulders out of the neck of my leotard before moving the sequined fabric to my waist. I slid a hand along my quivering belly and under my costume.
Madam’s fingers tugged her nether curls and I did the same. My lower body was wet and slippery. I wiggled my finger inside me.
The man held his hardness up to the back entrance of Madam’s hole. He pressed forward and I watched Madam’s fingers curl into the oriental carpet padding the floor. Her teeth sunk into her full lower lip. The man pulled his long hardness from her. The sound was as wet and slick as my fingers.
Just two fingers, I told myself as the man began to ram his manhood into Madam repeatedly. His fingers dug into her hips and she moaned. She pled with him to “fuck her harder!”
I circled that hard bit of flesh between my thighs and began to pant. Small little squeals were popping from between my lips, I couldn’t help it! Madam kept saying that word.
Fuck.
That naughty, beautiful word.
I said it. My insides tightened.
Again. And Again.
“What did you say?” Came Joey’s shocked voice from behind me.
Slowly, I turned. I should have been embarrassed. I should have tried to cover my naked breasts or stopped my hand from moving inside me. I did blush. I did, but more from excitement than embarrassment.
“Fuck?” I said.
I didn’t mean for the word to be an invitation, but the lion tamer’s son stood with the moonlight behind him and pulled out his manhood. He began to run his fingers along the turgid length, and I dipped inside my tight hole at his rhythm. I turned back to the tent to see the man’s hat tumble from his head. His black hair fell across his brow as he pumped his piston into Madam.
Now, Madam’s fingers were working at the entrance between them.
Her breasts swung in my direction, calling for me to taste them.
My thumb circled faster.
Joey stepped closer. I could feel the heat of his body and hear the slick sound of his hand on his hardness.
My fingers jabbed faster.
Madam moaned. Wet suction echoed in the tent.
My eyes nearly crossed. It was as if I were staring at them through the sight of a canon.
There was a groan near my ear. Then bang. Hot wet jism sprayed my face for the first time.
And skid across Madam’s back. Stuck in her hair.
I licked my lips. They tasted salty sweet.
My body convulsed as I let go of my trapeze and flew. Souring high above the crowd. Above the big top. And amongst the stars.
Madam could see my satisfied face through the hole in the red tent. Our eyes locked.
This wasn’t my fault! I quickly pulled up my leotard. Why was there this hole in the tent? And now, now the lion tamer’s son knew!
It was my secret.
Joey said my name and reached a hand toward me, but I brushed it away and told him not to tell my father.
I rounded the corner of the tent and Madam stood in the flap of the doorway. She was alone. A cigarette was in her hand and her long red hair hung wild around her naked breasts. She still wore her belt and the scent of the man.
“Miss Fontinini,” she said tilting her head to me. “Would you like to come inside?”
Madam held back the curtain of the red tent. I could see the tossed pillows and the round platform at the center where she had performed. The orange pillow where she had knelt as the man fucked her was bunched on the floor, golden in the lamplight.
Inviting.
“Father is expecting me,” I said.
She reached a long arm toward me, a square of bright red fabric in her hand. With a gentle nudge she wiped my brow and cheek, removing Joey’s spendings from my face. I didn’t mean to lean into her hand, but she smelled of cheap perfume and the man’s sweat.
“Miss Fontinini,” Madam whispered, her lips close enough for me to taste her breath.
I opened my eyes, not knowing I had closed them.
“Your father is expecting you,” she said. Madam took my hand and opened it palm up. She curled my fingers around the red fabric, her eyes on mine.
I didn’t want to move. I wanted to stay suspended in her gaze. I wanted to watch her dance more. Fuck more.
Yes, I said, and turned away. My father was expecting me. I am the angel of the big top. I always come straight home after every performance.
Straight home.
It had been two years since I had seen Danielle in person, and not from a billboard in Time Square. One day she had left me, with nothing but a hastily written note. A month had passed with no word from her when my copy of Vogue had arrived in the mail. Her succulent lips had smiled up at me from the glossy cover.
My life’s passion shifted and I became consumed with fashion. Danielle’s departure had renewed my commitment to my studies and nothing else mattered.
“Fifteen minutes girls!” The stage manager, shouted from stage right. Vivian could have been a model herself with her perfectly coifed blonde hair and smooth skin. The clipboard in her hand took the brunt of her tension with angry scribbles before she set her pencil behind her ear.
Today Danielle and I would meet again. I was her dresser, working the Versace show for school credit.
The rich textures and colors of the beautiful clothes hanging on the racks surrounding me were like an aphrodisiac. My blood was hot in my veins and picking up speed as the models shimmied into the latest looks Donatella had to offer. It would be an intense half hour.
I glanced at my watch. Late as always. There were ten minutes until curtain and Danielle had yet to arrive. My impatience was beginning to match Vivian’s.
To ease my tension I inspected my rack again. Polaroid’s of the designer’s styles were clipped to the hangers and the looks were hung in sequential order of Danielle’s appearances. Corresponding shoes were laid out in a neat row at my feet, and I had already taken a razor to their soles to give Danielle more traction on the runway. Jewelry was laid out on the table by the runway entrance, carefully guarded by Vivian’s assistant, a beautiful black gay boy with ebony skin and a penchant for glitter eye shadow.
Backstage was crowded with models in various stages of undress with the harried dressers chasing after them. Some models were completely clothed from head to toe, their make-up the perfect mask of beauty. High heeled shoes in place adding to their statuesque length of limb. The red-haired model at the rack to the left of mine paced nervously, twisting her manicured hands. I recognized her from other shows, a Nicole Kidman look-a-like and always nervous.
To the right, a striking brunette stood in nothing but trousers and smoked a cigarette. The seam down the front of the slacks was pressed to a hard crease and broke at her ankle in a flattering bend of fabric. I could see the barest quarter inch of heel beneath the hemmed cuff. Her dresser stood anxiously, clutching a poppy colored top to her chest. Whenever she offered the blouse, her model would tell her to fuck off, and then take another drag of her cigarette.
There was no smoking backstage. With all of this fabric and tight quarters this place was a severe fire hazard. That didn’t stop the models from lighting up. They lived on nicotine. I would not want to be the one to try and stop them.
Others were nude, their thin bodies twisting into the current Versace fashions; some with smiles and others with snarls. All with a sense of urgency.
“At last, she makes an entrance!” Vivian said with a disgusted shake of her head. “Think we can hold up the show for you?”
Vivian met my eyes as Danielle’s long limbs carried her across the room. They told me I’d better move my ass.
Danielle’s steps faltered. “Layla,” she whispered. A black leather jacket hung limply from her fingers. I took the soft leather and threw it under the rack. My hands went to the buttons at the top of Danielle’s shirt and I slipped them from their holes, knuckles brushing breast and stomach while she stepped out of her skirt.
I would remain calm. Professional.
I didn’t say a word, just hooked my thumbs in the strings of her thong and pulled the thin lace down her slim hips and thighs. I knelt to remove her shoes, breathing in the familiar odor of her pussy, and saw a startling new bare mound. Maintain composure.
My fingers hardly shook at all as I made quick work of her shoe buckles as she clutched my head for support.
“Traffic was a nightmare,” she said.
I stood and pulled the chartreuse top from the rack. It was lighter than air and fell around Danielle’s torso with a flutter. The deep cowl neck gave me a healthy glimpse of breast and the halter left nearly all of her back bare. I handed her the bone colored slacks threaded with gold and helped her secure the waistband at her hip.
“Five minutes, ladies!”
Danielle dashed off to the make-up tables, and I followed, strappy gold sandals in hand. The make-up artist swept over her face, blotting shine and heightening color while I sat at my ex-lover’s feet, buckling the narrow straps of her heels over instep and arch.
The stage manager shouted and Danielle shot off her seat nearly knocking me on my ass. She caught my hand with an apology and helped me to my feet. She would be the first on the runway to launch the line.
The music picked up a catwalk rhythm, the sound like a heartbeat in the dressing room.
I urged her center stage. Near the curtain entrance, Danielle crouched down so I could secure her necklace while she slipped the large gold loops through her earlobes.
She turned to face me and smoothed the fabric over her slim hips.
“Perfect,” I breathed. My throat closed up. This wasn’t going to work.
Danielle smiled down at me.
My heart beat in time with the music.
The stage manager held up ten fingers, folding one down at a time.
Danielle bent and brushed her lips against mine. “For luck.”
It was the barest of whispers.
For a moment I was transported back to the curb outside our old studio apartment in the Village. Before I had taken off for class and she made the rounds at the modeling agencies we would kiss and say…I shook my head and stepped into the background as the curtain was pulled back.
Flashbulbs salted my vision enveloping Danielle in a halo of light.
Danielle was straight and proud; her strides carrying her down the stretch of stage like she was a part of the runway. She was one with her environment. Sleek. Not like the figure model I fell in love with, but a confident face known around the world.
The next model followed and I hurried back to my rack. There were less than five minutes between changes. I took the red summer dress in my hands and fingered the thin fabric. It was as smooth as Danielle’s skin. The skirt was layers of sheer silk chiffon. When worn, the fabric would dance around her thighs, teasing the audience with the silhouette of the long legs underneath.
Danielle burst through the curtain. She hurried toward me yanking the top over her head as she went. The halter fell to the floor and I held the dress over my head for Danielle to dive into. We cursed as the layers of fabric caught in the neckline.
“My shoes,” Danielle urged, pushing me to my knees. Her pants fell on my arms while I worked the buckles free.
“Sling backs, thank God!” she whispered, kicking the slacks to the side.
I held the shoes out for her and she slipped her feet in with a twist of her ankle.
“How’s my face?” Danielle asked when I stood. She pursed her lips and closed her gold and rust dusted lids. The fake lashes were so long they left shadows on her cheeks. The make-up artist hadn’t needed to add much to her flawless skin or plump lips.
I took a tube of lipstick from my apron pocket, the same shade as her dress.
“Wait,” she said. She pushed me into the rack, the clothes a cushion between me and the wall as she kissed me hard. Lust rode my veins as the sweet taste of tongue and lip raped my senses. My knees went weak. I let her. I let her kiss me. I nearly hated her for it.
“Danielle!” was shouted from stage right.
She pulled back, took the tube from my hands and applied the lipstick in two quick strokes before running across the stage.
My heart was beating overtime. I picked up the outfit from the floor and stuffed it under the rack so others wouldn’t trip on it. Was I going to let her do this to me?
“I can’t believe she kissed you!” One of my classmates exclaimed from behind me. She was a short girl who tried to make up for her petite stature with platform heels and very tall dark hair. “She didn’t even ask if you were into girls!” Platform Girl said and threw a dress over her model’s head. The white fabric settled around the chocolate skinned calves. She pulled the belt tight at the model’s waist. The contrast of skin and fabric was stunning.
“They had a thing,” one of the other dressers called out from across the aisle. “A couple of years ago.” I couldn’t see who it was from behind her clothing rack.
A thing? Our love was now more an object than an emotion. I didn’t have time to respond because Danielle was back, shimmying her hips so the dress was a puddle at her feet.
The next outfit was an evening ensemble. Black linen tuxedo slacks. Instead of the usual shiny tuxedo seam, Versace had inserted a nude stripe of fabric than ran from hip to ankle. A sheer white ruffled front shirt with dramatic French cuffs would finish the look.
“Why did you leave?” I asked, keeping my voice level and holding the slacks for her to step into.
Danielle placed her hands on my shoulders, her small boy breasts at lip level. Her nipples were hard and butted my cheek when she twisted her hips so that I could pull the pants up her legs. My hands went to the clasp at her waist and her hand pressed my palm against her mound through the fine fabric.
“I had a flight to
“A flight to─? Oh, for fucks sake!” I slipped my fingers beneath the teeth of the zipper, cupping the smooth damp skin of her pussy. Her clit pulsed against my palm. In time with the music. In time with my heart.
She met my eyes. They dared me.
I slipped a finger in. Bit my lip. Held my breath. Twirled.
Her smile faltered. “I didn’t have the heart to tell you I was leaving.”
“Danielle!” Vivian called from center stage.
I pulled my hand free and she stepped into her black loafers, zipping her slacks as she ran toward Vivian’s voice.
Platform Girl’s eyes were wide, but they widened even further when I brought my fingers to my mouth for a taste of Danielle. Familiar. Heavy and rich like crème brulee’. God, I’d missed her. My body ached with it.
I hung up the dress. Danielle had close to ten minutes for the next change. It was the finale, and she was to wear a formal gown. It took a little more getting into. The models’ stage order was reversed, leaving Danielle to finish off the show.
Donatella had gone all out with this dress, black feathers being the prominent covering. They had been painstakingly sewn into the nude mesh of the bodice and torso of the garment. Long black feathers fanned out over the hips. The greens and blues would be picked up in the stage lights. There was also a headpiece with this ensemble. I took it from the box and fell into the wall as weight tumbled into my back.
The clothes billowed around us and Danielle pressed into me, pussy against my ass. Her hands slipped around my waist and unbuttoned my
Eyes shut tight, colorful flecks danced on my lids, in time with her fingers in my pussy. I tried to ask her to stop, tell her to dress, but instead I moaned, my hips flying with her fingers to the beat of the music.
My body turned inward, heat flushing my face and limbs as I came in a nearly painful gasp. She zipped my fly.
Danielle stepped away from me and laughed, the sexy timbre sliding along my spine. I straightened; the headpiece had been crushed between me and the wall. I cursed and she laughed again as I worked at fixing the feathers and sequins.
“We’ll finish this after,” she said, pulling the dress around her. Danielle took the headpiece from me and secured it in her hair while my trembling fingers managed to do the dozens of hooks that stretched from ass to shoulder blade. I buckled her shoes, running on auto pilot, and Danielle was gone in a swirl of taffeta.
“You guys should really get a room,” Platform girl said.
“Oh, I plan on it.”